Lately it's been sunny out and all I can think of is summer, and no school and going to the beach and being free. Just for a little while anyway. I really want warm sunny, blue-sky weather and it's so stuck in my head that I'm going to write a poem about it.
It's called "Everything Blue"
Sky,
lake-water,
camera-case,
his eyes,
my phone
and me.
When my fingertips
touch the
water
touch the
sky
I feel the
blue leech
away.
It's shorter and more to the point than I'd like, but then again it is just a draft. Let me know what anyone thinks!
haha I hear ya with the not wanting to think about school thing! I really like what you've got going here. Maybe cut the punctuation and let the lines (because they're so short) just run into each other. I think because its short and to the point, you could make it even more so with something like this: (Just an idea, if you don't like it please disregard it)
ReplyDeleteSky
lake-water
camera-case
eyes
phone
when fingertips
touch
water
touch
sky
feel the
blue leech
away
I love the closing lines "feel the blue leech away," simply wonderful.
Ooh! I like both versions. I love short punchy poems... they're my favourite. A lot of times I find them way more challenging to write than longer poetry.
ReplyDelete